My Story

Mental Health

I (Doris) used to have bipolar disorder with psychotic features.
I hallucinated every night for nearly 14 years. I heard ghosts.

When I heard these ghosts, I cried. I begged God to save me. I drank vodka. I passed out. I turned up my radio full blast. I turned on all lights. The ghosts hated lights.

I did whatever I needed to do to keep what was left of my sanity.

When I was manic, my mind raced. Thoughts sped through my brain so fast that it exploded. I had a nervous breakdown at 19. My mind was gone.

I should have been somewhere shopping or watching a movie. Or dancing or giggling or smiling at the sun, but I wasn’t.

I was locked in my room wanting to die. There are no words for clinical depression. It’s as if your body can’t produce one neurotransmitter that controls happiness. Not one!

I would cry and dream of dying. I cried and slept and dreamed of suicide. It was a vicious unending cycle.

When I was 19, I never thought I’d live to 21. And never in a million years did I think I’d be the 34 years I am today.

Thankfully, my ride with bipolar disorder ended six years ago when I learned a hormone imbalance called “estrogen dominance” was making me sick. Since taking progesterone (to correct this imbalance), my mania, depression, suicidal thoughts, migraines and “ghosts” have gone away.

Sometimes I can’t even believe what’s happened to me. It’s a miracle.

I’m telling you this so that if you have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, I encourage you to research hormone balance as a treatment option too.

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